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DIY Maintenance: 2009 Kia Grand Carnival

Our journey, and what’s been learned to keep it on the road.

With our guide, you can easily learn how to keep your 2009 Kia Grand Carnival running smoothly with our easy DIY maintenance tips and repair guides. Save money and keep your vehicle in top shape!

POST LAST UPDATED: 24th November 2024

Whats New?

  • Post completed with up-to date information (original post)
Our 2009 Kia Grand Carnival 3.8L Petrol vehicle

Types of Repairs/Maintenance/Upgrades:

Repair/Maintenance/UpgradesDateResolved?
Check Engine LightNov 2024NO
Oils and Other FluidsNov 2024NO
FiltersMar 2024YES
Tyres and BrakesNov 2024YES
Door LocksNov 2024NO
Dash Cam – RedTiger F7NFeb 2024YES
Regular blown P/Train fuse and Main RelayNov 2024YES
CV shafts, Steering rubber bootsNov 2024YES
Front Wheel BearingsAug 2024YES
Suspension ComponentsAug 2024NO
Aftermarket StereoDec 2022YES
Air ConditioningSept 2024YES
BatteryMay 2024YES
AlternatorNov 2024YES
Miscellaneous2024YES
*Bonus* Service and Repair Manual – Diesel and Petrol vehicles– –– –

When we purchased our second hand 2009 Kia Grand Carnival, we knew it was more than just a car—it was going to be our trusty companion for family adventures and daily commutes for our family of 6.
It was going to need to stay reliable.
Over the years of owning this vehicle, I’ve learned that taking care of it myself isn’t just cost-effective but also deeply rewarding. Especially now is true, as it has well over 200000 k’s on the clock, and they are only going to climb further.

We did purchase this vehicle with a small number of issues, some of which were unknown at the time. But with acknowledgement that things crop up from time to time, and also as a learning tool for the Jays, we are slowly making this car great again.

We have decided to create this post to keep track of our maintenance jobs, when they were performed, and how we completed it. Hopefully it will help someone out there facing similar, if not the same issues.

Whilst we do still get our car professionally serviced on occasion, it does pay off in our favour to do some of this stuff ourselves—all it takes is the required parts, some tools, and a little bit of a ‘I wanna get dirty’ attitude.

Why DIY Maintenance?

We have chosen the path of DIY maintenance for many a number of reasons, including, but not limited to:

  • Cost Savings – especially important with a family of 6, where every penny/cent/dollar saving counts!
  • Control over quality and process – We like to see what has been done and also that it has been done
  • Skills building – We are trying to teach our children what maintenance is, and why it is essential

As we mentioned, it is very important to save money wherever we are able to, and it is helpful that we teach these different skills to our children so that they can become more aware, confident, and independent with all of these types of maintenance and repairs.

Comprehensive Listing of Maintenance/Repairs Performed

Check Engine Light:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

This has been a gremlin from the beginning. It did not show when we first test drove and purchased the car, but in honesty, the car was already warmed up on both occasions. We can reset the error codes with our OBDII tool, but every single time, from the first morning startup, within 5 or so minutes, the check engine light will show.
We have had the car looked at by mechanics, auto electricians, asked on forums, read through manuals, asked mates and family, and almost everything else, but it wasn’t until we spoke to Paul at Velmec Automotive here in Gympie, that we finally got an answer that actually made sense.
This was even after we had replaced all four oxygen sensors, checked all the associated wiring harnesses and connectors, and run a tank of fuel with added injector and fuel system cleaner in it.
Turns out, because the ECU is mounted in the engine bay (absolute stupidity) it is subject to very hot temperatures from the engine, and this in turn degrades the ECU, which starts causing failures in the circuitry.
The circuitry involved is related to heating the O2 sensors for cold vehicle starts.

The result is a Check Engine light that never goes away, and a marginal increase in fuel consumption.
We regularly scan our Carnival with our OBDII tool just to make sure no other errors appear except the codes related to the sensors. These are codes: P0420, P0160, P2273, P0158, P0056, P0057.
Over the last six months, the codes have stayed stable at: P0037, P0057 and P0160, as both current and pending DTC’s.

Oils and Other Fluids:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

At our last vehicle service, we were informed of a small oil weep that was observed from one of the rocker cover gaskets. They used a stop leak additive to the oil when they replaced the oil at the service, but it will soon be time to actually replace the gaskets themselves as the weep has returned once again.
This is likely a sooner rather than later thing, as the weep works it’s way down to the alternator and other components in that area, serpentine belt included.

We were also informed that it will be time to do a brake fluid flush at some point.

Our radiator is starting to show signs of age too. It is one of those plastic tank varieties, so as they get older they have a possibility of becoming brittle and cracking. That is bad news in any case, so another sooner rather than later thing to do.

Filters:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

All of the filters in the car were replaced at our last service, with the exception of the transmission fluid filter. This is another thing that we will be doing ourselves at some near future point.

Tyres and Brakes:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

We put a new set of brake pads and rotors on the car when we first got it, and they are generally still in really good health. Possibly within the next 12 months we will consider installing a new set of pads all round, depending on their condition.

We are only on our second set of tyres, which is actually quite good we feel, considering the differrent types of surfaces we drive on. We get all terrain tyres, they are a little bit more chunky, but they also start making a little bit of noise when they are getting low in condition.

Door Locks:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

There is a small number of occasions where the middle sliding doors do not seem to lock correctly. The internal lock mechanisms also become very stiff and hard to move. As it is a vehicle with central locking, my guess is that it is either the lock motor itself, or a bent or damaged component of the locking mechanism.
This will be inspected and remedied in the near future.

Dash Cam:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

We made a solid decision to install a dash camera. This is a hardwired kit, and has independent front and rear cameras recording onto an sd card. To retrieve files, we simply connect to the camera via an app on our phones and we can save the recordings to the phones.

Regular blown P/Train fuse and Main Relay:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

This issue had me personally stumped for quite some time. I do not want to remember how many times we were driving along, all of a sudden for the car to cut out and not start again. Every time it happened, we had to replace the P/Train fuse in the engine bay, and it also fried the Main Relay in the same engine compartment fuse box.
The P/Train fuse is numbered #19 in the engine bay fuse box.
There were a few tow truck calls, and once a good samaritan even towed the six of us home behind his vehicle once because the car had chosen to cut out on a roundabout that controlled the traffic of two major highways.
Not to mention, the massive money pit of fuses and relays we purchased..

Anyway, after it got to the point of multiple daily blown fuses and a breakdown on the main. street of Gympie, I decided that this was now an urgent issue to tackle. We could not afford to get it towed to an auto electrician, nor to pay for the service, so I decided to dig into the problem myself.

I spent an hour or so looking over everything from the back of the engine bay fuse box, right through all of the wiring loom in the engine bay, and then I found it. A small section of the harness had been rubbing against the engine and had cut through two wires. These wires were a pink and a blue wire.
Turns out after much testing with a multimeter from that point back to the fuse box, that the pink wire in question is actually a very important wire. It is linked to about two thirds of the connection points in the fuse box!

My repair of this issue consisted of stripping back the loom tape, fixing the two individual wires and reinsulating them, rewrapping the loom tape, putting some black flexible wiring conduit over the area and securing it to the loom, and also securing a length of rubber hose to the area to reduce any possibility of rubbing, vibration, or wear.
The initial problem seems to have been created when one of the loom mounting clips broke, allowing that part of the loom the freedom to move.

The repair job I completed is still holding up nicely, about three weeks after I did it.

CV shafts, Steering rubber boots:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

We have had the passenger side CV shaft replaced at a service due to the poor condition it was in.
That was a little over two years ago now.

When I was last under the vehicle, I did notice that a rubber boot on the steering rack has quite a few cracks in it, so this will be replaced in the very near future to prevent water and other environmental ingress from occuring. Both sides will be done at the same time, this is just moreso to reduce the number of times I need to get under the vehicle.

Front Wheel Bearings:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

There was a time not too long back, where steering around corners to the right would emit a low rumbly type noise from the area of the front wheel. This is usually a good indication of a bearing beginning to fail, so we purchased a set of complete front wheel bearing and hub components.

Installation of the parts was surprisingly easy, and the car was back on the road with the new parts within the day of receiving them.

Looking over the old ones, simply put, they were stuffed. The seal bits were almost fully deteriorated, and the bearings were actually grabbing on rotation.

Suspension Components:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

The suspension on the vehicle, as a whole, still feels quite stable.
A few months ago now, I did notice that the rear sway bar rubbers were looking a bit sad and old. New parts have been purchased, and now I am just waiting for a good couple of days where the vehicle isn’t being used so I can get in and replace them. It should be a fairly simple process, but I do like to allow plenty of freedom when doing anything with the vehicle, otherwise I need to ensure my 80 series Landcruiser is empty of tools and stuff, just incase we need to throw the car seats in for J3 and J4 in a hurry.

Aftermarket Stereo:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

I think this particular component was purchased in early December 2022, as something of a gift for the vehicle. The original stereo was not that great, and there were regular occasions of turning the volume down only for it to suddenly get extremely loud. It was also a tape player unit, and had no bluetooth connectivity or anything like that.

So I installed this new unit, complete with reverse cam, and it has raised the comfort level of car trips considerably.

The only thing I wish I would have done, was install button controls on the steering wheel. There is a place for that sort of thing, but the stereo didn’t come with anything like that except a connector plug that allows it, and the available space on the steering wheel is just a blank plate sort of thing.

Maybe a future upgrade is a likely thing.

Air Conditioning:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

The air conditioning had always operated fantastically, until slowly, it didn’t anymore..
And when it deteriorated, it seemed like a chain reaction of events that has only been resolved recently.

When the air conditioner started blowing warm air from the passenger face vent, and only slightly cooler air everywhere else, we knew something wasn’t right with it.

We took it to an airconditioning specialist, and after they were done with it, they were almost wanting to condemn the unit on the spot, citing a number of leaks that they were not able to completely locate with their sniffer.

There was talk of a leaking condenser, and also the possibility of the evap core being leaky too.

We took the vehicle home, choosing to use no air conditioning until we could work it out ourselves.

We first ordered a new condenser plus receiver drier unit and installed the part. I will admit, that was a small mission, having to remove quite a bit from around it to access the old unit properly just to yank it out. Yes, there were signs of leakage from a pipe on the old unit, so we were in for a win.
After the new part was installed, I took it to the local air con regas service, and we were all good again.
… for about three months or so.. And the same original symptom occurred once again.

There was no visible leak that I could find, so we suffered for a while once more with no air con until we couldn’t tolerate it anymore.
It was regassed, and again, it worked perfectly on the way home from the local regas place.
Same day, a few hours later, we drove in to town to do our school pickup. It was working fantastically. Super cold as it should be, and everyone was happy.
We picked up the two older boys, and went to our local Coles for some things and we were just sitting at a set of lights waiting to get onto the highway to head for home.

Initially, I thought it was the diesel ute in front of us being a bit smokey. But then I realised it was actually coming out from under our bonnet, and wow it was stinky! Before the A/C could go back to blowing warm air from the passenger vent, I quickly switched it off and opened the windows a little so we could breathe again.

The drive home was one of shameful silence, except for the music playing.
I still had not solved the problem.

I tried to find a leak by switching on the air con when we got home about ten minutes later, but all the gas was already gone. This was going to be hard.

I jumped on ebay and proceeded to purchase a pack of UV torches – the gas has a reactive dye in it after all! By the way, as a side note, these torches are fantastic for seeing scorpions in the dark, but that is another story..

The torches arrived a few days later, and I got to work. This was back in May 2024 sometime.
I looked over everything in the engine bay right up to the firewall.
I pulled out the entire dash to get to the evap core.
I did not find anything of significance, except for a small amount of flourescent colour from around a refill port inside the engine bay.
Okay, a leaky valve must be the problem. So I replaced them both with known good ones, and the next day I went back to our trusty recharge station. It worked for two days, and then crapped out again.

I am so over this damn aircon I remember myself thinking. I was almost ready to burn the car.

There was something I hadn’t replaced yet, so I bit the bullet and dropped another thousand dollars on a new air conditioner compressor. It also came with the compressor lines up to the strut tower on the driver side.
I replaced it all, and a few days later D2 took the car up to our trusty local once again for a recharge. He was very good about it, and even gave us a small discount.

This was back in mid September 2024, and the A/C hasn’t missed a beat since!

I would think that a seal, gasket, or something close to the compressor has given out.
In any case, especially coming into summer and stuff here when it gets real hot, I am certain D2 and all of the children will someday appreciate the sometimes mindless effort I put in to making them comfortable. When alone in the car, I just have the windows down, and the stereo up.

Battery:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

We replaced the battery in the vehicle after a few flat battery problems. This was done in May 2024.
The Carnival seems to be a bit of a power hungry vehicle, so we opted to purchase a reputable brand battery that also included a decent warranty.

Alternator:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

This is a bit of a head scratcher. A little while earlier to our battery replacement, we purchased a new alternator.

Come November 2024, and we have to do it again. Our car, on warm and hot days, does not charge the battery as it should. We know this, as we have a voltage meter plugged into our power port inside the vehicle.

8.8volts gives us limp mode, this was recently experienced in a hail storm, where we literally idled to the oldest sons school to pick him up in the afternoon. I could hold the pedal to the floor, and we only crept along. Just prior to limping along, the automatic gear changes were almost violent.

Fortunately, we have been carrying a spare battery and a set of heavy duty jumper cables with us, so when the hail stopped, and everyone was in the car, I jumped out and changed the batteries over so we could get home.

It has been rainy and cloudy all days since then, and the alternator is working flawlessly. I do not see the car drop below 13.8 volts, and it easily gets to 14.4 volts when we are driving. Thats with lights on, air con running, and stereo on.
Once it drops below 11.4 volts, we start turning all of that stuff off.

November 21st, and our new alternator arrived in the mail today. As we had quite alot of things to do in town today, it is just going to have to wait until tomorrow. A fresh day always gives plenty of time to sort out any problems that may arise.

November 22nd, and I have installed the new alternator into the car. It was probably not the best day to do it as it was all rainy, but I managed to complete it between showers, and also managed to keep everything nice and dry, including the tools!

I took some photos of the changeover, and I am also putting in a basic guide. Who knows—it may even help someone complete the exact the same task one day!

PARTS REQUIRED:

  • Alternator. We sourced ours new on ebay, for a little over $300AUD. There are two different types of alternator available for this vehicle. There is a two pin type alternator, and there is also a four pin type. They are not interchangeable, so you need to ensure you get the correct one! A quick glange at the plugs will help identify what type you have, if it is oval shaped, it is a two pin, if it is square, it is the four pin. A torch is quite handy here, as there is not much space to see with all the other parts of the vehicle in the way.

TOOLS REQUIRED:

  • Spanner to remove positive side (+) of battery. This is usually a 10mm spanner.
  • 12mm spanner for B post nut on alternator.
  • 10mm socket and ratchet for radiator fan, top radiator mount, and underneath support bolt.
  • 14mm socket and ratchet for alternator bolts.
  • 19mm socket and long breaker bar for belt tensioner.
  • Small prybar for the alternator if it is not easy to remove.
  • Phillips screwdriver for top shroud. If these plastic clips are old, a pair of needlenose pliers and a flat screwdriver work great.
  • Container of some sort to put all the clips, bolts, and other stuff into.

METHOD:

  • Disconnect the positive side of the battery. Ensure that you keep the terminal connector away from the battery terminal post. A zip tie usually does the job.
  • Remove the shroud that covers the top of the radiator by taking out all of the plastic clips and lifting the cover out. If all of the clips are still installed, there will be 13 of them.
  • Remove the top radiator mount. There are 4 bolts, which are all 10mm. Note that there is also a bolt underneath the vehicle, in about the centre, which also needs to be removed. It is unnecessary to remove the bolts that hold the horns in place, but you will need to disconnect them. Gently lift the mount out—it is shaped like a ‘T’. There are a couple of clips that hold the radiator overflow tube on, longnose (needlenose) pliers will do the job, and also possibly the bonnet latch cable. Also remove the cable termination from the latch itself—remove the grommet piece, and then wiggle the ball and cable out of the latch. Now you can fully remove the entire mount.
  • Disconnect the connector for the alternator side radiator fan. Also take the cable from the section that holds it snug. Undo the 2 bolts that hold the fan in place, these are 10mm. Lift out the fan and shroud and put aside.
  • Now there is plenty of space available to get to the alternator. First, use the 19mm socket with the long breaker bar, and push the bar back to the direction of the firewall. You onl;y really need to move it an inch or so, enough to pop the serpentine belt off the alternator pulley. The highly visible 17mm bolt is NOT the one you need to do this process with!
  • Using the 12mm spanner, crack the B post nut on the alternator. Finish undoing it by hand, as it is easier and quicker to do so. Also disconnect the other connector from the alternator. This will be either oval or square. Pressing the tab on it whilst giving it a short firm wiggle usually removes it easily.
  • Undo the 2 bolts that hold the alternator in place. It is usually sufficient to just loosen the bottom one a reasonable amount, and fully remove the top bolt. If it is tight against the brackets, use the prybar to wiggle it loose enough from the top side, off the mount so that it can easily be lifted out. The bottom bolt sits inside a channel in the bracket. Be careful when removing the alternator so that you do not damage and wires or the radiator.
  • When the alternator is out, remove the bottom bolt and put it into the new alternator. Hand tight is sufficient.

Installation is the exact opposite of removal. Do all of your nuts and bolts up to a nice firm tightness, and if required, you can use the service manual we have provided for torque specifications.

NOTES:

  • Installation of components like this usually require that a mechanic perform the actions. Do this sort of thing at your own risk. Honestly though, if you take the proper precautions, namely removing battery connections, not damaging components, correctly wiring parts back, there is never usually an issue. Be sensible about your methods.
  • If you have something left over from your work, it means you haven’t done something correctly. Check your work.
  • We originally purchased the workshop manual, but we are supplying it at no charge. Please do not abuse this system, and if you like, you can always donate. Anything is accepted. Donation methods are available on our Download page.

Miscellaneous:

Section Last Updated: 20th November 2024

These are the little fixes and upgrades that don’t necessarily fall into major categories but have made a big difference to our overall experience with the vehicle. From replacing broken interior trim clips to adding reflective window shades for better cooling in the summer, it’s these small tweaks that show how much we care for our Carnival.

Headlights:

We recently put in a new set of headlights – the parkers and also the lowbeam and highbeam. We find this process easiest when we fully remove the entire light module from the vehicle and swap out the globes. That way, you have all the room you need to work on it. 10mm bolts hold the light module in.

Tailgate Struts:

We installed a new pair of these back in August 2023. The original ones were no longer holding the tailgate up when it was open, causing a few literal headaches.
Whilst the installation of them is quite simple, the tailgate does need to be supported properly when removing and installing the struts, as it is quite a heavy part of the vehicle.

Final Thoughts on this topic:

Owning and maintaining our 2009 Kia Grand Carnival has been a journey of challenges, learning, and satisfaction. It’s not just about keeping a car on the road but also about passing down life skills to our kids and enjoying the process of problem-solving together.

With a little under 300,000 km on the clock, this vehicle is a testament to what a little TLC and elbow grease can achieve. We hope our experiences can inspire others to tackle their own DIY maintenance projects and keep their trusty vehicles running strong for years to come.

Let us know in the comments if you have any tips, tricks, or similar experiences—sharing knowledge is how we all learn and grow!

Check out Our other Posts! – Jaysndees Blog
You could always check Our Shop for new items – Jaysndees Shop

October 2025 update:

Carnival (skye-car) as we call her, has been running like a dream for a while now- nothing needed to date except for a little bit of oil every tank or 2 of fuel.

Meanwhile, the engine bay is a bit of a well oiled catastrophe! I counted no less than 6 major points of oil leakage, especially around where the alternator resides. If not dealt with soon, this will surely be the cause of yet another alternator failure.

I have been a little bit proactive about this. I went ahead and purchased a complete VRS kit for it, and am currently awaiting delivery. This was a kit purchased through ebay, so i optimistically give 12 months after installation. It cost a bit over $350, so I am not expecting eternal miracles..

..but it will stop the leaks and the oily urination that skye-car performs everytime she is sitting still for a couple of hours. My lawn in her parking bay equivalents to a dirt and rock patch, devoid of any possible life form, with the exception of the cane toads that happen to hop through there on the random small occasion.

Once the item is actually obtained from Australia Post – at least a week after ‘tracking number provided’ – neutral to negative feedback for ‘PremiumOnlineParts’! I will post up the resulting item, and also later on, the installation process, where I intend to rip the motor out, clean it up, fix it, and then throw it back in over the course of a weekend.

Item purchased – 21st october, shipping information received 27th october.

Stay in touch – this will be updated when it happens!

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Watch Out For Your Teen Behaviour

A Teen Behaviour Post that all parents should read.

We would like to share a story of knowledge and education, especially for us (D1(myself) and D2) as first time parents for those teenage years, and more specifically, the transition into the first year and beyond of secondary schooling, for our child, J1. This is intended to share knowledge and insight, so that someone else may be able to Watch Out For Your Teen Behaviour.

A Brief Introduction.

For us here in Queensland, Australia, the move into year 7 last year involved handing over an M1 Macbook Air (or a laptop reaching similar abilities), to our child for the purposes of their education. We could have been supplied one by the school at a nominal fee, we however chose to go the BYOD (Bring Your Own Device) route instead.
Also for the purposes of their independence, and to allow communication between J1 and Us, and also the friends, we supplied a Samsung mobile phone. This was politely given to us for this purpose from a close relative with a heart of gold.
This was on top of the access to his own ipad which he has been able to use since before he was 2.

We have other rules also for the ipads, etc, such as not during school weeks, only a certain amount of time maximum per day, completed chores, and things like that.

Setting up the Contract and Boundaries.

D2 and myself created up a contract for J1, in relation to the technology. We went through every single line of it with him, and sat there to explain everything, as simply as possible, and to a level understood by J1. We know it was absorbed cleanly, as this kid is a superhero with reading stuff, and being able to spit it back in your face 10 years later, word for word. He can tell you about books that haven’t been touched by him for ages and about conversations had years prior, and this is becoming very apparent as we see his interactions with the twins, J3 and J4.

Back to the unfolding story..
This contract (linked HERE), which I will also post in this story for any future ideas from other parents (without any personally identifiable information of course!), was very clear, with all the added verbal explanations, from Our point of view. We had it on lockdown – or so we thought..

Anyway, J1 had commenced the first year of high school and all was seemingly going great. He had make plenty of new friends, grown stronger with some of his old mates from that awkward year 6 time, and just generally been great at adapting. His grades were good and consistent, and his teachers spoke highly of him at the couple of parent/teacher interviews we attended.

Noticing Change and the checks We started.

We are not certain when it started, but somewhere in the early 2nd half of the year, there was more attention paid to the grumpy morning boy who seemingly couldn’t ever get enough sleep.
On top of that, the devices never seemingly needed to be charged as often. (As a rule, and as part of the contract, they were to be charged in the parents main area, as also applies to the ipads for all of our J clan)

We felt that maybe it was time that we had a look into the matter. After all, we did put it into his contract regarding our ability to do checks of this nature.
So the searches began..
Uncovered during this time, was lots of attempts at downloading Windows based installers for games, vast amounts of late night Youtube videos of bug wars, a large amount of online game histories, and lots of anime porn.
On top of this, were the hidden games disguised (renamed by J1) to resemble innocent sounding files – “School”, and “Stuff”, among others.
Also was the deleted items. Files of various natures simply disposed of into the Trash.

Effectively, nearly all of the contract rules were broken.

..denial – Part 1.

So he was shown what we had found. Initially, there was complete denial. The excuses like, “I don’t know how that got there”, and, “I don’t even know what that is” flooded at us. Finally, after much explanation that searches for specific items yield specific results, and the browser and computer logs showing it had indeed been done whilst the device was in his possession, we were able to obtain the actual truth.

For all of this, we then commenced active blocking of games sites, and anything else we could think of via the modem. I will supply this list in this post (linked HERE). We also put into effect more strict rules. The laptop and phone was to be handed back to us at the end of each school day, and we started to properly implement the services of the Family Link apps.

Now we were back on course.
With a head full of knowledge on how that sort of stuff, including the blatant lying, can affect the lives of not just him, but also us, as parents, and as a family, we settled back into the proper routines of school and home life.

Ears pricked to alertness.

It was around September I think, when we received a call from the deputy principal of the school..
We were informed that our child quite possibly had video footage of a fight that had occurred on the school grounds. A meeting was set up with Us, J1, and the deputy principal present.
It was then, that we were informed, of a much more serious situation that our child had become entangled in.
It seems that him and his girlfriend had been exchanging nudie pix, and her grandma had seen them and called the school. With the texts that we were shown, it was most certainly a two sided event, even though it was only the multiple sentence responses that we were shown. All of the girls texts had been deleted out of the conversation, presumably by herself or her grandmother, presumably to proclaim innocence. She was a grade above J1, but they are both under the age of consent in the eyes of the law, so those pictures exchanged were indeed child porn. With the phone account in D2’s name, needless to say, we were very highly concerned about the matter.

So we confiscated the phone. And we went through it. Sure enough, our boy had sort of saved himself a little by saving a couple of the pictures he was sent. So it wasn’t just him sending explicit images, it was both of them. But at the same time, he had also used his own shovel to dig his own grave by deleting all of the conversations with the girlfriend. And the ones between his mates, most of them were trashed too.

Massive Information Loading.

When he got home from school that day, there was a very big talk about this entire situation, from the initial video recording of the fight (which in reality was just a hug and scuffle between 2 of his mates), right up to the reason for the meeting with the deputy principal. For starters, he had broken our contract again.
Then there was the fact that both of them had been distributing child porn, because essentially, in the eyes of the law, that is what it is.
He was made very aware that there was still a very real possibility of the police coming to talk to him about the matter, and also it would likely affect D2, as she is the owner of the account of the phone. For an adult, these things usually lead to jail time, even if it isn’t physically in the adults possession, it is still in the possession of an account that the adult is responsible for. Then there was the talks of the Sex Offender Registry, where it would likely be that we would each end up on there for something as simple as this. The full consequences of what this would mean for him as he approached young adulthood and beyond was also explained.

Drastic Measures

Then came the punishment. We didn’t want anything like this, so that phone was deleted, scrubbed, deleted, and scrubbed again, and then it was set up as a “dumb phone”. No camera, no access to google searches or anything like that, no ability to save or view images or videos, you name it, we removed it. All it can do, even to this day, is make phone calls. Oh, and the calculator still works. And if necessary, at any moment, we can lock the phone completely via the Family Link app. If he comes to us asking for permission for a specific image or file we are able to approve or deny it with relative ease.
During the remainder of the school term, J1 did not have a phone. Nor for most of the end of year holidays. For such a serious breach of our trust, again, there had to be very firm consequences. In a way, it was his jail time.

As for the outcome, thankfully, neither the grandmother, the police, nor the school took any further action. It was all dealt with in a sensible manner, because as with everything, there is always two sides to the story.

That is the main lesson to learn I guess. Once you get through all the initial lies and explanations, the truth does come out. And it is important that they learn to trust what you as parents do with the truth. Be firm, but be fair. This is especially true for households that contain multiple children.

Preparing For The Future

Going into a new school year, we have had numerous more conversations about things like this, and have also had our sex talk with him. The one that involves respecting people and their bodies, especially your own. We also made it extremely clear, that although we have supplied an entire box of them for him, there really is no need to go out and rush into anything where he will need them, but we have made it known to him that he has a box of condoms available for him. They have a super long expiry date, so like we said, no rush.

Putting our trust in him, is also him putting his trust in Us.

..Watch Out For Your Teen Behaviour..

Uh Oh!

As an update after the first school week, the unimaginable happened..
I was initiating some updates for the macbook on sunday evening after all of the Jays had been put to bed and noticed that there was a game installer (Minecraft Education) still mounted on the device. I know it wasn’t there prior to this, as the previous weekend i had also been performing updates to get it ready for the new school year.
Anyway, J1 was queried as to why it was there, and sure enough, I had left it in the downloads last year. He had just tried installing it, even regardless of the “No Games” policy.
I opened the Safari History in his account, and all these sites were visible in the account. Multiple games sites, numerous ‘Chat with..” AI chatbot pages, and also, you guessed it, porn of varying natures. Oh, and there was also the new email accounts he had created..
This kid was immediately woken up and kicked out of bed, and asked to explain his actions.
He didn’t have access to the laptop on the days in question, as they were the weekend days. He was however, able to use his ipad during these times. And that was what he had been doing.. hiding out in his room looking up all of this garbage.
Fortunately his devices are on the same account, and sync. And he does not have account privileges to delete any of the information from any of the devices.

Small Truths

When asked as to what he was doing, he did admit to doing the wrong thing. When asked why, especially due to all the recent happenings and talks we had just recently had, his answer was that he didn’t know why, but he was disgusted with it. We queried him if that was the case on every occasion, and yes, he apparently was. When asked why he kept on doing it then, his response was that he didn’t know.
So we started asking him about his awareness of the dangers of (ab)using devices and technology as a whole. About how it can endanger our entire family, and things like that.
His demonstrations of his awareness was… unsettling for want of a better word..
Whilst he does know about things that could happen, there seemed to be a little bit of an “I don’t care” or “immunity” response about it. Take for example, Us pointing out that all of his younger siblings are in almost the same area as him when he was doing all of this stuff. His response was that they were not in the same room as him at the time.

More Groundwork and Punishments

Once we were almost done with our conversation with him, the talk was steered towards punishment.
So now he gets to commence, for the foreseeable future, his punishments.
This includes the phone, macbook, and ipad.
He has been completely banned from using ipads for a long time. And when he is finally allowed to use them again, it will only ever be under direct supervision. No more hiding out in his room with it. That will be a permanent thing..
Also, will be only very limited internet access. We understand that it is needed for the purposes of school and hobby research, and that is all that will be allowed. There will be no video sites accessible without permissions being granted, no access to those AI chatbots, and there will be daily checks, whenever it is used.
The phone will need to be handed back to us again at the end of each school day, and of a weekend, it will not be in his possession. He will be allowed to check it and respond a few times a day, but that is all.
The macbook is only for school, and it too will be handed back to us each and every day. It can get packed for school, along with the phone, of a morning as we are walking out the door to take them there.
Also off the table are things like sleepovers with mates and all of that stuff.
And there will be lots more outside time, both during the day and also the evening, each and every single day moving forward.

Parental Guidance Thoughts

D2 and myself had a bit of a chat about it after we sent him back off to bed.
More so, what we could try to get him back on the right track again. We have established some ideas of erotic novels, and maybe even some super softcore adult oriented magazines.
He will even need to read any and all articles we find that involve discussions regarding pornography addictions.
It is completely normal to have desires, and in fact, it is encouraged. When it is of a clean and acceptable nature.
However, when it crosses a line to endanger and potentially expose the younger ones to it, well before their time, something drastic has to be done.
And there is no need at all for a soon to be teenager seeking out porn online of any nature, nor for them to enter into any adult oriented chats or activities.

Its a long way back to the top..
..Watch Out For Your Teen Behaviour..

As a sidenote, here is the extra information we are providing.

THE CONTRACT:

First Mobile Device Contract

I, _(insert child name)_, understand that using these mobile devices (phone, ipad, laptop) is a privilege, not a right. In order to be permitted to enjoy this privilege, I agree to the following:

I Understand..

[_] The devices belong to my parents, they are not mine. And they may take it away or look at it at anytime.
[_] My parents are trusting me to be responsible and look after the devices to the best of my abilities, trying my best not to lose or break any of them.
[_] There are restrictions in place on the devices and lock out times are between 9pm and 6am on school nights.
[_] There may be adjustments made to this agreement as needed, while we all learn and adjust to child device usage.
These will be noted down as new information points under the appropriate section, and all parties will be informed.

I will..

[_] Keep the devices charged.
[_] Share my chosen passwords with my parents.
[_] Use the devices in a responsible manner.
[_] Answer when my parents call or text. If I miss their call, I will call them back as soon as I discover they have tried to contact me.
[_] Ask before downloading apps or games.
[_] Notify my parents IMMEDIATELY if I receive or discover anything inappropriate.

I will not..

[_] Delete, or attempt to delete, anything on the devices.
[_] Use devices during family meals.
[_] Participate in bullying or rude behaviour, or use unkind language. If I wouldn’t say it in person I will not send it.
[_] Use any of the devices to take inappropriate photos or videos of myself or others. This includes anything you’d be embarrassed to show your parents, grandparents, or teachers.
[_] Use the phone during school, unless needing to contact a parent. The phone is to remain in the schoolbag on silent or vibrate mode only.
[_] Complain if my parents ask to see the phone.
[_] Adjust any settings without permission.
[_] Share my number with strangers.
[_] Answer or respond to texts or calls from unknown numbers. And I will let my parents know if any unknown numbers do attempt to contact me.
[_] Bug my parents to put games on the devices.


_______________________________________________
Child’s signature


_______________________________________________
Mum’s signature


_______________________________________________
Dad’s signature


______________________________
Date

Blocked Websites:

Games related sites (more will be added as we research them):

  • addictinggames.com
  • agame.com
  • aiwigame.com
  • arkadium.com
  • asia.wargaming.net
  • craftnite.io
  • crazygames.com
  • fog.com
  • freegames.org
  • freeonlinegames.com
  • gamaverse.com
  • gamearter.com
  • games.aarp.org
  • gamesgames.com
  • kirka.io
  • kizi.com
  • klook.com
  • lagged.com
  • new.gg
  • parade.com
  • playbelline.com
  • poki.com
  • shellshock.io
  • shellshockerss.co
  • twoplayergames.org
  • ufreegames.com
  • wargamer.com
  • warthunder.com
  • wellgames.com
  • worldofwarplanes.com
  • worldofwarships.asia
  • yad.com
  • yandex.com

Other blocked sites (more will be added as we research them):

  • youtube.com (direct supervision only)
  • talkie-ai.com